迷失

星期六, 3月 10, 2012 in 西恩恩、安下心, 西恩恩、你胡說, 海上鋼琴師

(望向精彩璀璨的陸地，主角卻看不到盡頭。 海上鋼琴師, The Legend of 1900)


自從邁入2005年的暑假後
技窮、才窮、裡外都窮的西恩恩
每天都會苦思人生的意義? 好工作在哪裡? 生涯目標是什麼? 人又該有什麼夢想?

用盡方式探索自己的實際個性、左右腦能力、工作的嘗試、詢問友人意見及書籍...

幾年過去了，這些思慮絲毫不減，讓原本就容易憂愁的西恩恩更加惆悵
(雖然曾經有一個月沒有嘆過氣，但那是因為一場小賭局)

喜歡A-->嘗試A-->A太難不適合我-->放棄A
喜歡B-->嘗試B-->B對身體不好不適合我-->放棄B
喜歡C-->嘗試C-->C對我來說太勉強-->放棄C
喜歡D-->嘗試D-->D這條路浪費我的才華，沒動力-->放棄D

原來，世俗上的所有道路，我都不喜歡
那麼，我到底還喜歡做什麼
我的夢想是什麼?
對了! 賺大錢一直是我的目標(這算夢想嗎? )
所以把工作想像成攢錢的工具就好
於是
又回過頭來想興趣
A、B、C、D其實都很喜歡呀
OK，再次奮起挑戰....(熱度應該只有一天，年紀愈大，就要以分鐘計算)
然後呢?
又會重新陷入放棄的迴圈

(難怪獾獾總是說: 人總是知道自己討厭什麼，卻不知道自己喜歡什麼)
(我總是羨慕那些很早就好設定人生的目標跟夢想的人。這時候，就要推託到台灣死腦筋的教育體制了)


前陣子的幾項事物影響西恩恩極巨
除了Jeremy Lin的啟示以外

1.愛因斯坦的其中一項名言
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
雖然這是從科學實驗中體會出來的，可也貼近人性
當一個人固執己見而囚禁自己的時候，也只能在小圈圈中繞
這並非愛因斯坦對於insanity的原意，但卻剛好解釋我現在的窘境

2.
幾乎每一本坊間的書籍，都是教導人要擁抱夢想
可惜對西恩恩沒用(什麼都是夢，也都不是夢)
有本書說人要"拋開夢想和目標，輕鬆得勝！"
(書名:每星期四，都是翻身的機會)
以西恩恩的現狀，不得不同意他的看法


某一天晚上突然認清
以前曾經出現的的夢想改稱【幻想】的話，一切就通了
(這是附帶一點雙魚個性的通病嗎XD)

沒有夢人，執著去找，反而收到反效果
即便找到了、完成了
又如何呢?
富翁擁有億萬資產，他沒有煩惱?天天Happy嗎?
Steve Jobs用科技改變了人類的生活方式，眾人有因此更親近、更快樂嗎?
交通日益便捷的城市，人們的距離(心)有縮短嗎?
Yankees拿了27座世界大賽冠軍，紐約人滿足了嗎?
繳了30年的房貸，終於有了一間可以住的房子，幸福了嗎?

手機應是聯絡感情的工具，而不是方式
捷運應是拉近兩地的工具，而非推遠兩地
棒球比賽是體現運動家與團隊求勝精神，並非個人球技或無冠軍機會就渙散
人們築巢是為了組成一個家，而不是為了買到豪宅

(我好像離題了 、也不切題，糟糕XD)

人類的慾望無窮、達到目標永遠都不是終點
抵達目的地也不比享受旅程快樂(也出自於愛因斯坦)
重點仍在於【過程】的尋覓、體驗與喜怒哀樂


所以
或許西恩恩未來的生活原則
就如同現下比較流行的語句 : 活在當下
前陣子的書~Before I go to sleep(別相信任何人)開頭幾頁提到

I was born tomorrow, today i live, yesterday killed me ~Poem by Parviz Owsia
我生於明日，活在今日，死於昨日


讓每一天都盡可能精彩
讓每一天都有新的學習

前往各種夢想的道路，就會自然地、一一清楚地浮現
而我們要做的，就是努力做任何事
(動物每天為了肚子努力求生存，人類豈能不耕耘就收穫)


Miami Heat三巨頭的夢是築在冠軍、身價、名利上
這些人退休後可以好好花錢，人生就美滿開心了嗎?(那些離婚被要求贍養費的球星幸福嗎)

Jeremy Lin的夢不是在NBA發光發熱，是為了上帝而打球
即便NBA結束，他仍會擔任牧師，走在喜善的道路上

義美食品的創辦人-高騰蛟
首重食品的品質，而非利潤，並且提倡環保與回收
他的夢沒有止盡，抱持「明天有夢」的人生觀，天天都有夢，天天都有想要完成的事

這也是西恩恩對西恩恩的期許


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確實離題了，囧囧囧

上周有段時間睡不好，腦海飄過The Legend of 1900這部片
仍然是那個記憶猶新的片段
主角(1900)站在郵輪前往陸地的樓梯上
滿心期待、富有壯志地打算開拓未知的未來
後來
他膽怯了(我應該這樣形容嗎?)
回頭很瀟灑的拋開帽子
再度回到船上
當然，並不代表主角的抉擇是正確的
這是劇本跟導演的作法
隱含的意義，是要透過主角的心智跟嘴巴
說出大家都不敢講出來的話

(文章後面是主角不下船的原因，完整的劇情對白)

在世界上築夢，本就非一個人能掌握
即便有異常的IQ跟體型
所有所謂現下"成功"的人士
都還是會認同主角所說的話: [在陸地上，不是有限的琴鍵，是找不到盡頭的]
達成了某件事，以為是盡頭
然而，這只是九牛一毛而已

人不能勝天，只有造物主(自然)能夠駕馭~



Source:IMDb

[explaining why he didn't leave the ship and never will be]

All that city... You just couldn't see an end to it. The end!
Please, could you show me where it ends?
It was all very fine on that gangway and I was grand, too, in my overcoat. I cut quite a figure and I had no doubts about getting off. Guaranteed. That wasn't a problem.
It wasn't what I saw that stopped me, Max. It was what I didn't see. Can you understand that?
What I didn't see.

In all that sprawling city, there was everything except an end.
There was everything.
But there wasn't an end.
What I couldn't see was where all that came to an end. The end of the world.

Take a piano. The keys begin, the keys end. You know there are 88 of them and no-one can tell you differently. They are not infinite, you are infinite.
And on those 88 keys the music that you can make is infinite. I like that. That I can live by.

But you get me up on that gangway and roll out a keyboard with millions of keys, and that's the truth, there's no end to them, that keyboard is infinite.
But if that keyboard is infinite there's no music you can play.
You're sitting on the wrong bench.
That's God's piano!
Christ, did you see the streets?
There were thousands of them! How do you choose just one? One woman, one house, one piece of land to call your own, one landscape to look at, one way to die.
All that world weighing down on you without you knowing where it ends.
Aren't you scared of just breaking apart just thinking about it, the enormity of living in it?
I was born on this ship. The world passed me by, but two thousand people at a time.
And there were wishes here, but never more than could fit on a ship, between prow and stern.
You played out your happiness on a piano that was not infinite. I learned to live that way.
Land is a ship too big for me.
It's a woman too beautiful. It's a voyage too long. Perfume too strong.
It's music I don't know how to make.
I can't get off this ship.
At best, I can step off my life. After all, it's as though I never existed. You're the exception, Max. You're the only one who knows that I'm here. You're a minority. You'd better get used to it. Forgive me, my friend. But I'm not getting off.